Thinking Of You
by ArisuSanX
Summary: I was so confused….Out of the blue, I did something to terrifying even I could tell I had lost it…I kissed him back…. and that's when it hit me; I was really missing you…Pearlshipping overall but partly Anti Ikarishipping as well. Finally decided to put this story in its rightful place.


**Oh my goodness! This idea came quicker then the rays of light start to touch the earth (…that's not really possible but you get the idea). I have known this song for ages but haven't actually listened to it for a few months, so I never really thought of it…until today! I absolutely LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it and I can't wait to get started.**

**Song: Thinking Of You**

**Artist: Katy Perry**

**Shipping: Pearlshipping/bit of Ikarishipping**

**Summary: Move on, let go, that's what you said to me as you walked away onto the ship. I did as told but a year on…I didn't feel complete, everything he does with me, reminds me of you.**

**Genre: Romantic/Tragedy**

**Oh, firstly, this subtracts the Pokémon Master attitude of Ash's, they are all way older, Dawn being probably 24? Ash and Paul being 25 =) Also, there MIGHT be a bit of suggested sexual content, but it is really mild. It depends on how you look at it. So I guess it's okay. Also, there is a mild hint of Ikarishipping in this story though it is ultimately Pearlshipping at the end with every single ounce of emotion being portrayed through only the perspective of Dawn with only a little bit being portrayed by Ash, though you will be able to tell who is who.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon or the song or Katy Perry in any content, this one-shot is purely fan made.**

**P.S. I hope you guys enjoy it =)**

**P.S.S I also made the land of Shoku up =D Flash backs are in italics and lyrics are centered AND in italics.**

**P.S.S.S … sorry if this comes up again on the fanfiction site, this story has been here for a while and it has been bugging me since I don't know if I should put this in the 'Pearlshipping' section or not, but in the end I did because it is overall Pearlshipping.**

* * *

_A teardrop._

_A small but __**powerful **__one._

_It slid down my cheek silently as I saw him walk on the ship, his hands at his sides. His soft, auburn eyes, full of passion and __**power**__ with pride in every sense of his body. His hands firm in a fist with his chin up and his legs parted slightly as he went to stand up in a row of soldiers, all being checked and registered. His uniform, all smart and such, just the way I wanted it, the way I wanted to see him. He turns his head slightly to gaze at me, but a smile could not replace the sadness that I felt. I wore a poker dot dress, red and white. My blue, sad eyes staring back at him as the tears continue skim down, but he did not hear a whimper, not a sound, just his own heart beat probably, his own sad but grateful eyes rested upon me. My right hand was against my chest as I felt my own heart beat; my facial expression was desperately trying to change. He tries so hard, and he has delivered, it's just a shame. Truthfully I never thought this day would come. However, this is what he wanted…_

_Joining up with the most respected…_

_**Fighting for his region…**_

_Fighting for__** our **__region._

_He promised me serenity, he promised me love, and he promised me loyalty…_

_Before I knew it the whistle for the ship had sounded as it was almost time to take off and the horn was blowing, men all in a row, singing songs of victory that would last as activities to do on their long trip to the region of Shoku. Shoku was in fact there training base, where they would be given techniques and new weapons to use for war. War had broken out between Loki and Kanto as one region blamed the other for their downfalls and they had finally had enough. Resulting to war. The government insisted on every young man in the region of Kanto to come and fight for their country and to be trained in Shoku, an island a long distance from here. I looked again at the boy, who seemed now to be talking to others that would become his mates on the journey. Chuckling and singing, he desperately held onto a smile, keeping himself strong and making himself believe everything would be okay. Little did he know, a smile wouldn't solve all the problems._

_He glances at me, that smile still there but sad eyes still showing, I smile back weakly before hearing a general shout,_

'_Ten minutes until we sail off, troops be strong and say your last goodbye!"_

_My whole world turned upside down, I rubbed my arms while trying to calm myself down. All I could see were the rushing blurs of people with the faint sound of their voices as they went along. My gaze dropped to the ground as I found myself unable to look up at the ship that would soon take my husband away…_

_The ever growing, ever lasting lump in my throat that kept on keeping me from speaking was growing from the whimpering and tears that fell down…_

_And __**down,**_

_**Down.**_

_**Down**_

_Until they hit the ground. I would not cry hysterically, I wouldn't cry with sadness, I hope to cry with joy. To cry to show how proud I was, to show I was truly honored to be a wife of such a courageous, warm-hearted man. Of course…I just…couldn't._

_Not knowing it, the man I loved so much to in front of me, as I could tell from the shoes he was wearing, and I instantly looked up to find myself in his arms. The embrace that sent shivers down my spine. My neck on his shoulder as his arms were around me, I felt one of his hands go up my back and cup the back of my head that was on his arm. I took deep, slow breaths as my arms went around him with one hand, like his, cupping his head, stroking the black hair, weaving through his locks with my petit hands. As we continued out embrace, I found myself getting more uptight about the whole situation, my breaths becoming quicker and shorter and I found myself do something I hadn't done in a long time…._

_...__I cried__**…**_

_The tears falling, the neck throbbing and lungs gasping for air at the nose blocked up. Tightening myself as my head sunk deeper into his neck, I found him also, silently…_

_So silently…_

_Whimpering._

_I pulled back out of his embrace, his hands now resting on my arms while my hands now lay on his chest. I look up to his face to find his hair flinging down with its shadow covering his eyes, only the crystal blue tears could be seen, sliding down his cheeks as he continued to whimper. All I could do is silently shush his sad, mumbles with my voice. Saying, 'it's okay', or 'we'll see each other again'. Unfortunately, he didn't believe those words…_

_**And neither did I…**_

_So instead I reach my hands out to cup each cheek and I stroke the hair out of his eyes with the faint words '5mins left' being said in the background. I look back as I see other couples, hugging, kissing and crying…_

"_I don't want to see you unhappy Dawn," I heard so faintly, I turn my head back to his to find myself again, in his embrace, but not hugging, kissing. Both our lips had crashed onto each other. His now conscious hands cup my cheeks as the shivers return again and my hands now my hands go around his head to the, cupping the back of the head. We part for a few seconds before dashing in for another kiss. Our lips touching with his arms now growing tighter with the tension rising. Once again we part, this time staying parted as he rubs my cheek…_

"_I…I don't want you to go these few years worrying about me…I don't…want you to suffer…so I have thought long and hard…" He whimpers as he whispers, "I want you to let me go…"_

_A quick few seconds of my heart stopping, I hurdle backwards as I push his chest to get away, my eyes slowly watering again, my voice trembling as I said, "What?"_

"_I…want you to move on…get away from the memories we had, find someone else…and…"- the horn finally blew, we both jerk our heads to the side to find the rush of soldiers saying goodbye and going off to the entrance of the ship._

"_W-why?" I said, as I felt the tears sliding down my cheek._

_He sighs and turns his head from me, "I won't be here for the next few years and…." He clutched his fist tightly, "…I don't want you to waste the years of your life waiting for me! You deserve better Dawn!" He shouts, seeming like he is unable to believe his words at all._

"_A-ash…I…" I couldn't say anything, my heart had so many words to offer, but my mouth would just not speak them. The horn blew again, both of us jumping at the sound, "B-but I d-"_

_He cut me off, "Please, Dawn, do it for me…I-I need to go…" he said blinking away the tears while trying to scurry off, but before he could I grabbed his hand unconsciously and turned my head to find his head turned away from my gaze, "…please…for me…let go…if you love me..."_

_For the first time in my life I felt as if I couldn't think or breath. The words, running through my head, the words that came out not more then a mere whisper. It was as if he was … __**testing**__ me…My head swung down as my bangs shaded my eyes, not that I needed it, I wasn't crying, oh no, I promised myself I wouldn't break down but...I…_

_Suddenly I felt his fingers under my chin, bringing my face up to look at him, he leaned forward near my ear before whispering, "I want you to be happy…just promise me….promise you'll find someone else…"_

_The horn blew again, but I barely took notice as the brown eyes of Ash were staring deep into me._

_The horn blew again…._

_And __**again,**_

_I look away from him and before I knew it, his hands had gripped onto my upper arms and he violently shook me to get my attention. The faint words of my name being called out as he shook and shook, but I didn't look up…I refused to look up as the bangs shaded my eyes from his gaze._

_**It blew again…**_

_His hands tightened on my arms and quickly shook me back, making my head bob up so I could finally look at him again, this time I saw fury plus a bit of depression in his eyes, "Please Dawn," he raised his voice firmly, before his eyes softened and his voice calmed and then he said, "Promise me…"_

_With no words coming out of my mouth and no thoughts running through my head, I nodded self-consciously before I felt his grip loosen and finally his arms dangled by his side. Slowly, he turned his back on me…and all I could do was watch….I felt as is this was an never ending nightmare, I felt as if…the floor had crumbled, as if the beautiful, delicate scenery in front of me was burning more then hell, as if ever bit of greenery and colour had turned to dust as I watched him walk forward, calm and collected. His bag swung over his shoulder, not once did he look back. My chest tightened as well as my hands. I did not make a sound, nor a movement and I felt myself drop to the ground consciously. Onto my knees and then my hands resting on them as my mind went blank and I could hear just faint sounds of farewells from around me. As if everything was going in slow motion, by eyes felt dull and as if nothing in life could brighten them up once more. The beating in my chest had slowed down and was the only thing I could hear._

_Nothing made sense…_

_I thought this was a nightmare, and __oh__, I wanted it to be so badly, no matter how I would mentally slap myself or my mind came to believe, I knew it was not meant to be. As if no emotion was flowing, only the sound of silence was my friend at the moment._

_It felt as if it had been forever since I stayed in that position. Not once did I come to believe it…_

_**But once I did….**_

_I cried__…._

* * *

_Comparisons are easily done,_

_Once you've had a taste of perfection,_

**Two years…**

Two years I managed to live without him by my side. The reflection in the mirror… those proud eyes with the bright, majestic blue I was once blessed with...only to be left with the dull, gloomy blue that never satisfied anyone's mood; except _his_. Two years of no confidence, only well- being, living a lie was not the best way to satisfy ones health, as well as emotions. Love and pride had melted away, the reflection told me that. However, that was the only thing that really changed. The eyes. They weren't complete. The hair was the same though, the skin, my style, he couldn't change it. I was the same on the outside really; no one paid attention to the bad essence, only the good. Like a drug; loving the effect and setting aside all the bad ones until it finally took control of everything.

Looking away from the painful side of me, my hands on my lap while I had seated myself on the stool not to long ago. My thin, light pink nightdress covered me, with another sky blue robe with thin ribbons around to complete the silk set. All I could do was breath, and wait.

_Like an apple hanging from a tree,_

_I picked the ripest one, I still got the seed,_

Twiddling my thumbs around, I found my eyes gazing around the room, turning attention to the photos that hung on the walls of my bedroom. _Our _bedroom, it pained me to say. I sudden shuffle was heard and my eyes shot themselves to the bed. A covered figure lay on it. The white covers over the figure as he lay silently on the bed. My eyes shifted back to my fingers that lay quietly on my lap. Finally excepting the fact that there was no one to comfort me, I looked up to the corner of the mirror where a black and white photo was pinned. Proud in his uniform, his head was up with pride, with that beautiful smile that always seemed to fit perfectly on it with the messy, black hair managing to frame his face.

The photo was never moved, and it never will be. It was my only token of him, the only image that satisfied me without a single teardrop to slide down my cheek when I saw it. My hands slowly slid across the opposite lower arm, gliding up and down in comfort. I showed no emotion outside, but on the inside…it was killing me slowly. I felt as if my old self had locked itself away inside of my conscience, never to be released again. I found her cradling herself in her own arms. No comfort. No homeliness. No one; just her in the dark spotlight that shone on her as she whimpered to herself about the past and present. There was nowhere to escape, four alls of pure darkness. If she tried to get up, she was shoved back down again onto her knees as if everything was against her. 'Her'? I should say 'I', for it was me, the person _in_ me. The person I would have been, but chose not to be, as it showed a sign of weakness. That was the last thing I needed that day. I hadn't cried since that day once I thought about it. I refused to, as nothing was painful enough then that experience to push me into the dark once more. _Nothing_.

As if something were urging me, I looked at the photo once more, before turning my head to the figure on my bed, with the white vest and boxers on. His lavender hair was messy, he looked so peaceful. However, when he got up, those raging black, deep orbs called eyes stretched on forever, I never quite understood them. He was so different. He was strong, independent, everything a man should be.

_But he wasn't an Ash…_

_**No one could be close to Ash…**_

_You said move on, where do I go?_

_I guess, second best is all I will know,_

With that very thought I felt myself breathing heavily once more, a sign telling me to stop thinking about it. However, I never could. It was impossible for me, but I managed to live with the thought, as well as the memory. I sighed…

_What was I thinking…_

_**It's **__over_

He's gone, he didn't _want me _to remember him, and I respect that. I am getting on fine on my own, I'm happy, I'm great! I'm…

_Oh, __**who was **__I__ kidding…_

_I wasn't happy._

I was more alone than **ever…**

_Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you,_

_(Thinking of you, thinking of you)_

_Thinking of you, what you would do,_

_If you were the one who was spending the night_

_(Spending the night, spending the night)_

_Oh, I wish that I was looking into your eyes_

My head slowly bent upwards to face the curtains that were in fact still closed. However the light from the sunrays still managed to pierce through the material, indicating the strength and giving more light to the room. As I swept myself up from the chair, I walked towards the curtains that hung on a rail, my hands clutched onto my robe, pulling it together, before one of the hands reached out and gripped onto the material and lightly tugged it a side to reveal more of the blinding light from the outside. It was bright enough to make me squint my eyes, before regaining sight and tugging the whole thing aside to reveal more of the outside world. The blue sky with not a single cloud in sight set my heart a light, as the green scenery in the landscape with all the greenery anyone could wish for complimented it. There was in fact one road that ran through with houses across it, all with a green front yard. The road was never busy, always lonely but peaceful, nothing happened around here. Just the way I liked it. A shuffle was heard from behind and I twisted to find the figure get up from the bed stretching his arms up and as yawned. Rubbing his eyes, he swiftly shoved his legs off the bed so he was in a sitting position before scratching the back of his head. From that position, he looked to me, those dark holes plunging into me like a diver into the sea and his lips turned into a smirk before he stood up and yawned once more.

"You want anything to eat?" he said, his voice as cold as frost on the window pain during the winter, at least, that's what friends would describe it as, as for me, it was normal.

"No thank you." A smile graced my lips and he shrugged at the reply before walking towards the doors and slowly opening it to exit the room into the hallway. You see, I live in a house with only one floor, since there is only two of us, it would indeed make no sense having a two floor house, but this was beside the point.

I turned my head to the window once more, my eyes glaring at the people outside in the morning, walking, jogging, running, the children playing with a ball, however, it would never last. Children from all around have been sent off more into the countryside, where it would be safe from bombs from the enemies. It had been two years since the war started and there has been no permanent rest, not until it was over, and we can only hope it will be soon. As I looked outside I absorbed the scene with my arms. It had been so long since I had seen hope in peoples' eyes, as well as the children on their bikes having the time of their lives, no matter what loud would rain on their parade. It had been a while since a proper smile graced my lips. How could you _not_ smile?

A few seconds later, I found myself looking up the road with a dazzled face on. A man on his red bike, his messy, black hair tossing itself around in the wind, his chocolate, delicate eyes open sometimes to see the view, then sometimes shut to hold in his laughter or just to show he is having a good time as the smile on his face showed it all. He sometimes showed toothy grins as he looked to someone. That someone being on his bike was the one I could not keep my eyes off of. Steadily my heartbeat increased as I looked onto the girl who simply laughed with the boy and who couldn't help but smile. How I awed at the view outside but how deeply envious I was inside. _Back in the days…._

_You're like an Indian Summer,_

_In the middle of winter_

_Like a hard candy with a surprise center,_

She was me, I was her, both the same but emotions were totally different. The illusion I was looking at was killing me, or was it a flashback, I had no clue. My eyes were so bright with colour that everyone told me was missing these days. My hair was smooth, pinned up messily, but it looked like I didn't care. My feet were supported by something on the bike while my hands clutched onto the handle bars of the bike as I swung my head back when I laughed at his petty jokes that got me every time. How did the moments disappear? _Easy answer…__**because **_he disappeared.

I found myself, squeezing my eyes shut, and then opening them to find the couple had disappeared. The pain that had been absorbed had realised itself from when I was looking at the scene. I turned my head to the mirror to find that my eyes had gone red from holding in the tears that I promised myself would never hit the ground again. Rubbing my eyes with my hands, I found footsteps coming towards the door once more, the door swiftly open, but I didn't dare turn as I stopped rubbing my eyes and my right hand moved towards the hair brush. More footsteps came towards me but again; I looked down to my lap as I brushed my hair silently. A pair of cold hands clutched onto my shoulder as the man's chin rested on my shoulder.

"You alright?" he asked, he might be rude, and mean, but he wasn't heartless, he knew me well.

"Yes, I'm just fine thank you." I said quietly. His breathing on my neck tensed me up and I felt my heart rate slowly increasing. His lips were soon against my cheek, giving a little peck before letting go of me and stretching up his arms into the air.

"I'll be going to work today, I'll be back home at seven-ish." He said before walking away before I could say anything.

As he closed the door, I sighed. Those lips…touched against my cheek…they reminded me so much of Ash; the days when we would cuddle and kiss passionately. It was the same nowadays, just with Paul, but they didn't feel the same. I couldn't really find myself in a strong relationship with him, but I couldn't tell him that, I wanted to, but something was holding me back….

_Ash…tell me what __I should__ do…_

_How do I get better, once I've had the best?_

_You said there's tons of fish in the water,_

_So the waters I will test_

I remember, after Ash left, I was lonelier then ever, and I felt as if no one could refill that hole again. A few months later I had found Paul, a man who had helped by chasing after a thief who had stolen my purse. From that point on, we had never stopped seeing each other, then came the day he asked me to be his girlfriend, and me being the idiot I was, I accepted, and I always regret it. I felt like I had the need to say yes was because I promised I would say do what ever it takes to find happiness once more for Ash. However, that wasn't meant to be. The days when we were apart, Ash sent me letters, saying how he was and asking me questions. The day I wrote to him about Paul was the day I refused to send another letter to him, and I thought he felt the same…

_Until last week…_

I remembered Paul handing me a letter that he had gotten from the postman, it was addressed to me. He wasn't nosey, like Ash was, he gave it to me as soon as he could and left for work that day. I remember thinking to myself…

_Who would write a letter to me?_

As I had opened the letter and looked at it, I remembered myself going faint at the first few words…

'_Hey Dawn, it's been a while hasn't it?'_

But the words that got me the most were

'_I can't help but wonder…did you forget about me?'_

I knew he wanted me to write back, to answer that question, and I did write back, telling him absolutely everything, about Paul, work, life and about how lonely I was without him. In deep dismay, I felt that if Paul saw this, he would leave, so I posted the letter that very same day and waited for a reply...it never came. Fearing for the worst I had to go to someone for information only to find that Ash was 'in action' at the moment, which didn't help my fear at all. Since that day I had been phoning up for news, nothing ever came…

_I was __**never**__ at rest…_

* * *

_Tick, tock, tick…_

Time…it went by so slowly. I was in my usual clothes, pink dress with white dots with my lipstick on and my hands on my lap as I sat on the couch, waiting for Paul to come through the door.

_7:01pm…_

He was fine…only one minute late, beside he did say around that time. It was a routine of mine, I would sit in the same spot waiting for him to come through the door, and it was in fact more of a habit, since I had a week off of work. My breaths became harsh, but I didn't blame the moment for that. I blamed myself. I looked around the room, shelves on the walls with flowery wallpaper with the warmest colours possible in the room. It wasn't girly, you could barely tell if they were flowers really, more like normal pattern. The clock on the wall was ticking away, it was a coo-coo clock to be precise. The TV was small and was in front of me, but I swear it was never turned on really. The radio was on the small coffee table that was beside the couch with a small box next to it, which always caught my eye. I reached out for the box and put it on my lap, before opening it. Inside, was a ring, a ring I haven't worn for two years. It was the ring _he_ gave me a month before he set off. With that sudden thought, more quotes came into my head…

_We're gonna be together till the day I die Dawn, I promise that…_

_We're gonna be wife and husband soon, just you wait…_

_Nothing's gonna drive us apart…I love you too much…_

_I can't wait, I would love to be a father…_

_**Father…? **_I sighed before analyzing the ring again, the diamond all nicely cut and in place with the gold edging around them while fixed tightly onto the ring itself. I slowly place it back in the box and closed it. I felt myself cringe as I went over his thoughts, _love me too much? _Then why did he **leave?** With that I threw the box into the wall opposite, my rage coming up to its limit. The thud against the wall got me even more determined and I shot up and screamed with absolute pain. After that well deserved push, I felt myself collapse as the breathing got more hazy and I collapse onto the solid ground below me. I rubbed my temples with my hands, trying to cool myself down before I heard a ringing at the door…

Paul strode by, as proud as ever with a smirk crossing his face. However, as he looked at me, his smirk turned into a worrying look, his eyebrow crotched up in confusion. Before I knew it I was on the ground with him, his hand on my shoulder. We looked into each other's eyes, his onyx ones peering into mine. With that determined face he had on, it gave me hope again. Not because it was him, because I could actually imagine it was _Ash. _Whenever I was down in the dumps, Ash would give me that exact same look, with the comforting eyes that made me want to…_kiss him._

At those thoughts I smiled shyly as he asked, "Are you alright?"

I nodded my head, I felt as if I was going into dream world, thinking that Ash was Paul…

That's when it hit me…_I was really missing him…_

Things like this don't happen for the sake of it, it has a meaning as well, the meaning in this case being that I miss him, I miss him…_so terribly much…_and all this time I was denying it. Denying my feelings, denying everything, whether I liked it or not…

I got up from the ground as Paul lifted me up, my eyes suddenly becoming duller as I stared at him. _He wasn't Ash, you don't love him and you know it…_how right I was. As a red blush came across my face I felt two hands cupping my cheeks and in a swift movement, I felt lips brush sharply against mine. Not having enough time to think about what I was doing, I moaned in with the kiss only to have Paul part and quickly dive back in again, only this time, more roughly…

_He kissed my lips, I taste your mouth, oh!_

_(Taste your mouth)_

_He pulled me in, I was disgusted with myself,_

I felt his tongue come around, asking for entrance, which I accepted entry to. I don't know what was happening, I felt as if I was a doll being controlled by someone…_anyone. _I felt as if all my actions are being done non-consciously and as if I had been completely switched off as his hands went up my back slowly, as he ruffled around with the thin material. My hands lay firmly on his chest, refusing to do anything else, I tried to turn my head, only for one of his hands to come back up and turn my head with force back into his own lips. It felt as if I was being tortured and being controlled. I had no power…

Before I knew it he was walking me into the bedroom, his hands exploring the rest of my body despite the clothes still being on. The back of my legs hit the bed side and he toppled me over to result to him being on top while I looked breathlessly onto him. Never in my life had I seen such eyes, so full of _lust_. It was so sudden I could hardly keep up as he reached to the buttons of my dress and undid them. As if I were paralyzed, I chose not to move and only confusion was shown. I had no clue what I wanted and I had no clue if I should respond. Something inside told me to go for it while the other part told me not to do anything at all. My eyes were squeezed shut through out it as his lips pierced against mine roughly, his hands now working on getting off the dress I was currently wearing…

_Stop…STOP! _I felt like screaming, but I didn't…

_**Ash would want you to move on…he wouldn't want you to hold back…**__but not like this!_

Do it Dawn! Kiss him back! What is the difference between him and Ash! The difference is…_he isn't him!_

My conscience spinning and spinning until it went out of control as he pecked his way down my neck while his hands continued to explore every inch of me. I finally noticed I was only in my undergarments as I could feel his cold touch against my bare skin. His lips once more collided with mine as me and him groaned and moaned self consciously while his hands went behind my back to that one specific piece of material, to snap it off. It was like hell, but some what like heaven. I couldn't chose…

_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you_

_(Thinking of you, thinking of you)_

_Thinking of you, what you would do,_

_If you were the one who was spending the night_

_(Spending the night, spending the night)_

_Oh, I wish that I was looking into…._

* * *

_I was so __**confused**__…._

Out of the blue, I did something to terrifying even I could tell I had lost it…

_I __**kissed**__ him back…._

_**1941**_

_**Shoku no mans land**_

_As he came across the many dead, his eyes widened with no emotion. He became loose, and unattached from the world. His wounds had widened and his heart rate was slowly decreasing. The pain that surged through him was unbearable, but he chose to ignore it. He looked down on his lifeless colleagues as they sunk into the mud of no mans land, where many would follow their fates. His breathing became heavy as he ran his hands through his black, messy hair that people were always complaining about…but this was war, there was no time to complain about such petty things. Looking towards the enemy, he chose that his fate had easily been sealed._

_His life flashed before his eyes and he had admitted that this may be his last step on land. He accepted that easily. He put his gun down slowly, before again, running his hands through the strands of his hair. Reaching into his pocket, he always kept a special something in there; he pulled out a folded piece of paper. A smile crossed his face as he opened it, resting himself on the muddy ground, surrounded by the dead, which he felt he would soon be accompanying. There were in fact two pieces of paper, the first one was a letter, one he had never gotten the chance to send off. It made him smile but also frown, he swiftly put it back into his pocket. Unfolding the other piece of paper gently, his hands shook from the image he would soon see. As he opened it, a smile graced his lips so easily that he felt the need to chuckle. A woman with the most enchanting smile was in the photo with him by her side, or behind her, holding her in his arms as he clutched her stomach while her hands from behind cupped his cheeks. Her skin looked as pure as snow while those twinkling stars people called eyes stared at him. It was a coloured picture, very rare but they had saved up for something like that for a while, and it was so worth it. In his eyes, she was the most beautiful angel he had seen. Her skin that contacted his sent shivers of pleasure down his spine, as she would peck him on the cheek with that certain chuckle no one could imitate. He was in his best suit at the time, while she was in her best dress that she looked beautiful it. She always had a thing for polka dots, he had noticed, as well as dresses that would show her shoulders. The ruffles always seemed to be the first thing anyone would notice, she simply loved them. Everyone did...everyone loved her. But he did the most. He was lucky enough to have her, he was blessed enough to know, feel, hear and see her. She was as he called her, an angel in disguise, sent from heaven above for all to see what was natural but beautiful..._

_Unfortunately, the black haired man was oblivious to his surrounding until he met the eyes of the enemy, with only a smirk crossing his face. The enemy in his uniform smirked back, his gun aiming at the hero. His finger was on the trigger, but Ash did nothing. He did not run, nor hesitate at the moment. It showed weakness, he did __**not **__want to show the enemy weakness. It was spat open and he knew it. If he died…he died proud. Once again he looked at the picture in his hand before putting it in his pocket once more, along with another piece of paper that was with it. After this was done, he put his hands out like he was interpreting an airplane before a bigger smirk was shown._

"_Go on…" he whispered, and the enemy was not needed to be told twice and he pulled the trigger, sending the metal piece into the hero's chest._

_Ash did not moan, nor cry, just took in a deep breath and glanced down to the ground whispering, "I love you, Dawn…" before falling backwards onto the ground below of no mans land, the beautiful maiden's blue eyes being the last thing he saw as they shimmered with no star comparing to them..._

* * *

_You're the best, and yes, I do regret,_

_How I could let myself let you go,_

My eyes shot open, my hands clutched onto the edge of the bed sheet. My sharp, heavy breaths were getting me nowhere but the need to do so was unbearable. I did not care about how much noise I made, all I knew was…was that I wasn't in the best position and I knew I had made an honest mistake. I turned my head slowly only to find Paul's lips grazing against my neck with his arms around me. It took me a good while to find that I was bare in the bed, next to him. His breathing was slow and steady, not that I could blame him over last night. I carefully removed his arms from me, before lifting myself off the bed and swinging my legs off. I looked to the ground as I found myself sweating from the activity last night.

I regretted it. I regretted it so much, but it did give me time to review. It gave me time to think over things as he had pecked his way down my bare body a few hours ago. All the way through it, I kept thinking of _Ash. _Not Paul, but **Ash.** I felt like killing myself for it. _It was so wrong_. My hands ran through my soaked hair before bending backwards to stretch my back and then life my arms up. As I did, someone's hands stroked my back, before the hands cupped my hips and slid along to my stomach, gripping it and pulling me into the figure behind as his lips once again touched my neck and started kissing the same spot over and over again. My right hand cupped his cheek while the other lay on my lap as left hand came up to lay on my chest while the other lay on the bed side.

'_Hey Dawn? You okay?' _a voice said and my eyes shot up. _**The voice was so familiar…**_I wasn't Paul's…_'Dawn…are you happy?' _Paul continued to caress my cheek and kiss my neck, '_Do you want this, Dawn?'_

So many questions, confusing answers,

'_Don't continue if you aren't happy Dawn…" _I gasped as I started to recognize the voice. At first I thought Paul would ask what was wrong, but he obviously thought that he was the one making me gasp, _'All I want it for you to be happy Dawn…and if you aren't, just say…'_

The voice kept coming, and I knew I knew who it belonged to and I knew it was someone close, '_…I love you Dawn…'_

"Wait Paul, stop." I said almost breathlessly, and for once, he did as told and let go of me completely. I turned my head to meet his questioning eyes as I found that his smirk had disappeared.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his eyes becoming savage like and more lusty.

"I-I'm just tired. I-I don't want to do anything at the moment." And with that I launched onto my feet, clutching the robe on my bed and sped out of the room into the bathroom.

As I scurried to the mirror, I started putting the robe on and leaned my hands on the sink for support…

_What __**was**__ happening...?_

I looked into the white sink, breathing in slowly, regaining the oxygen I needed so desperately. I turned my head upwards to stare at my reflection in the mirror. My hair was messy and was all over the place as strands loosened and fell in front of my view; my eyes looked as dull as ever with fear and confusion spinning around in them while my skin looked to pale.

_What had __**happened?**_

I'll tell you what happened, I had fallen to a slave of fear. I couldn't think straight let alone stand straight. The colour had been taken from my world and the happy emotions had been burned. And why?

Because I was stupid; because I couldn't think for myself, not at one point was I thinking about if I was happy and if I was being fair to Paul or to myself. I felt rage filling my soul as I swung my arm, hitting the glass that stood on the shelf and sending it smashing to the floor.

Once I had regained focus I leaned on the bathroom sink with my elbows with my hands cupped around my mouth as I gazed into the mirror…

_I'm so stupid_

_**So, incredibly stupid…**_

I was so _irritably, __**head over heels **__in __love_ with _Ash…_

_And I always will be…_

All this time I was fighting the thought, all this time I felt as if he didn't want me, as if he thought I could do better. He was _so_ wrong. My hands went into my hair as my eyes started to well up.

'_Don't fight the tears Dawn...'_

That voice came once more, and I knew that it was right…_he _was right…

"I'm so sorry, Ash…" I whispered as the tears started to come. They came slowly. I _hated _tears, they showed **vulnerability…**

_But for this moment…__**I honestly didn't care…**_

_Now, now the lesson's learned_

_I touched it, I was burned,_

* * *

_Ring…ring…ring…._

Everything stopped, the watering of the eyes to the heavy breathing. As I turned my head to the door, I could hear the continuous rings of the bell and I decided it would be best to answer it…

As I reached the door my hand stuck out to turn the knob, as I turned the piece of metal, sudden pains shocked my back and I felt as if something bad was going to happen. Entering the hallway, I looked across to find a silhouette of someone outside the small window on the door. I saw his hand go up to press the doorbell again. I tightened my robe, making sure nothing else was showing before fixing up my hair again and wiping my eyes.

_Ring…ring…_

I walked towards the door, finding myself at a steady pace, my heart was thumping like drums and soon enough my hand was on the knob. I turned it again and opened it slowly. I peeked through the crack to find a man with blond hair and green eyes, he was wearing a uniform and had a clipboard with the letters..

**S.A.F.**

I looked in confusion as he turned his head, a sympathetic face showed and I had no idea what was coming…until he looked down to his bag and took out a yellow card…

S – Sinnoh

A – Army

F – Force…

He handed it out to me, my eyes glaring at the piece of card…it was only a year ago that I had received news of these certain cards. They were telegraphs….

They were for anyone who had close relatives in the war, it was to inform them of…._of…_

_**That's when it hit me…**_

My eyes widened and the welling up started to pass on once again, I shook my head in disbelief. I shook it at the officer, then the paper and then the officer again. His sympathetic eyes made me sick. _Lies…__**LIES!**_

"I'm sorry, maim…" he then sat the card on the floor before turning around, adjusting the position of his hat before walking down the pavement. As he did, I noticed many people, including children, looking at me from outside. Some had sympathetic looks on, while others looked like they wanted to come up and give me a hug.

_I do __not__ need sympathy…_

I reached down to the ground and picked up the piece of paper, my breathing got heavier as I knew I could not throw it away…_I had to know…_

_Oh, I think you should know!_

As I opened it, I did not take the time to read, as all I could see in bold letters were:

_**Killed in action…**_

My whole world turned upside down...I froze as the paper fluttered to the ground without a sound as it made contact.

_No…lies…__lies…_**LIES!**

I screamed again and again in my head before squinting my eyes as the tears came.

"No," I screamed again, "It's not true! NO! NO! ASH!"

I slammed the door, I felt disbelief as Paul had not come out yet and I had disbelief that at the fact that my _husband_ was _**dead! **__It is __not_ true! It can't be! Slamming my hands against the door a multiple of times, an unimaginable twist of pain surging through me as I felt the need to break something. The sting in my eyes was unbearable. My sense of smell had faded and the sense of sight had faded as the tears controlled the view.

_'Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you,_

_(Thinking of you, thinking of you)_

_Thinking of you, what you would do,_

_If you were the one who was spending the night_

_(Spending the night, spending the night)_

_Ash…don't leave me! You can't! You just can't!_

_**But he did!**_

_DON'T! You know I love you! You __know__ I need you! You can't be…you have to be here…_

_By my side…_

_With me…_

Two years….

_**Two years…**_

I've been able to live without him…only to find…I couldn't live without him…

_Two years…_

_**Two years…**_

Of no colour in my life…of having to see in black and white every where I turned…

Two years…**two years…**

It had been…since I last cried…

And today I would break that record, as the first teardrop fell to the ground…

_Oh, I wish that I was looking into your, your eyes_

_Looking into your eyes, looking into your eyes_

* * *

_Flowers…_

_**Flowers everywhere…**_

The sweet scent filling the air with an essence no one could describe. The tomb stone, stood proud and tall, like he was back in the day. Here I stood, on my feet, in my black dress and black vale as I looked upon the fallen hero…

_My husband…the hero…_

It turned out that days later after his death, when checking through the hero's pockets of anything, they found a piece of paper, well, piec_es. _They had sent them off to me weeks later; colours filled my world again as I looked upon what I had realised he had kept all along. It was a letter, a letter that I loved so dearly and had kept. It had read:

"_Dear Dawn…_

_Words cannot express the way I feel at this very moment. Death is all around and I feel as though mine is coming soon. I feel... faint, cold and miserable. At first I thought it was the meals we were fed as well as the weather. After some while, I started to realise, it was anything but that. When I received that letter, the one you sent ages ago, I could not show how delighted I was. I felt a little homesick and my heart ached throughout the time I read the letter. Hearing about Paul…well…it made me a bit envious, it made me feel sick. The feeling had overcome me and I felt angry inside about the fact you had forgotten about me…until I remembered the things I said to you in the day I left you._

_I felt horrible, like a villain somewhat for doing that to you. Leaving you like you were some piece of garbage. But Dawn you are nothing like that to me. You are so much more. All this time, trudging through the mud, I started being more thankful for what I have…or had. I thought…if I had left you and told you to forget me, it would help you….I guess it just made things worse for you._

_Dawn…I can't help but…see you all the time…whenever I sleep, eat, drink, no matter how many of the lads make me feel, they can't compare to you. Dawn…I just want to say, I love you, and I still do. The day I die, you will be the first and last thing on my mind. That skin that all women envy that I had the chance to touch and feel, the lips I had permission to brush against with my own lips…and how could I forget the eyes? Those blue swirls of life and joy into one, the shades of blue that can turn into any shade depending on your mood. Those eyes that shimmered more then the stars I saw above me as I slept on the ground, stargazing more then sleeping. Dawn, there is one thing I wish for, one thing I wish for every single day, and that is for you to be __**happy; **__that's all I wish. I wish and pray that to the Lord everyday asking for strength for you and me. You were the only thing that kept me going, the only thing I think of when I come an inch closer to death…._

_I love you…I love you so much…don't forget that…_

_From Ash x_

I remembered crying all that night. I was so confused and upset, and angry at myself for not listening to the voices in my head. I was so ashamed of myself for letting someone I didn't love into my life. I remembered telling Paul about me still being married, but what shocked me was he didn't care and he still wanted me…but I didn't want him. So the next day I had packed my bags and left for Sunyshore City where I had arranged his funeral….

_Oh, won't you walk through?_

_And bust in the door and take me away?_

I looked at the tombstone and found myself being blessed with the presence. I smiled thankfully before bending down onto my knees and reaching into my pocket. After the first night of living without anyone, I had found that my head was cleared up, full of ideas and thoughts I had never expressed before. The first being…I never got to write back to him.

Clutching the piece of paper in my pocket, I pulled it out and unfolded it as I cleared my throat.

"Well…Ash…I guess, this is a pretty soppy way, but I guess I need to say it to you, no matter where you are. It had taken me a while to think of what to say and what to do. I had lost my way when you left, you had left me alone to fend for myself. I was like a lamb, lost from the herd of sheep, I had no one to live for, no one to think of. My world had turned upside down and I had no sense of direction. Then I met Paul, a regret I must say. All this time I had been thinking of your words wrongly. I had been thinking of the words totally differently to what you probably wanted, and that is my fault. I felt the need that I needed to forget you, the need to find someone new and fresh. However, as the years went by…I found that I was doing it wrongly and my head was becoming more clearer. I found that I couldn't live without you, and I could not be in a relationship without you, I just couldn't. Every time Paul kissed me, every time he touched me…I saw you. I could feel you, I could hear and taste you. I felt as if you and I were together again, as nothing could separate us, when I did, I realised that I would never forget you. No matter what I did or tried, you were always there, which was one thing I should've kept in mind.

You were different and no one could compare to you. No one. Those two years, living without you was hell and all I could do was breath. Nothing kept me away from the craving of your touch. It was as if I were made for one and only one person. That was you. I felt the need to scream as those two years I lived without colour in my world. There was no happiness, I was a slave of confusion and fear, and I cannot forgive myself for being so vulnerable. When you left, I felt as if you weren't near me anymore….but I was wrong. You were always with me, 24/7. You kept me going, you kept me from going insane. The thought of me seeing your eyes again made me blush and see a little bit of colour once in a while. The thought of me managing to touch you again made me feel complete. I should have taken that into mind, but it is too late now," I paused, "I-I guess I-I just wanted to say…sorry, I promise to make no more mistakes, for you and me. A-and that I-I," I put the piece of paper at my side as I put a rose on the flower bed with a small smile gracing my lips before whispering, "I love you…and I always will…no matter how far you are, no matter where I go, I will always…love you…"

An image of him fluttered through my mind. His chocolate eyes and his smile that lit up my world with no dimness in any corner. His black messy hair as he winked at me with his hand up in the air, waving me a goodbye. My eyes shut as I turned away from the grave, the grin still planted on my face. I then started to walk…walk away from it, into the sunset that shredded across the sky with its warm colours, but kept him in my heart for all of time and cherished it. No one would get in my way. No more mistakes would be made. He wants me to be happy, and that's what I will do...for him and I…I will work till the day I can see those eyes again, until the day my reflection would give me colour again. I _**promise**_ that…

_Oh, no more mistakes,_

_'Cause in your eyes I'd like to stay, stay…._

* * *

**I adore my reviewers so much! Despite the amount of pages produced, I'm really proud of this story and in my opinion, it is by far my best one shot so far. I hope you all enjoyed it and anyone who reads it gets VIRTUAL COOKIES! I love you all and MWAH! Pearlshipping forever :3 **

**-DeCh **


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